L A Y O U T I N F O

New layout! Annnnd, it quite possibly may suck! However, due to my senior year in college (omigosh, woot!) then yeah, this crappy layout is totally excused. So...enjoy the blog kiddies, there's no telling when I'll be able to scrounge up another "decent" layout!

B L O G G E R

Ari. The crazy Southern woman that has a warm heart yet a cold glare. Is currently a senior in college where she majors in Media Arts and Animation (I'm gunna be drawing cartoons, ya'll!). Possesses a secret crush on an extremely hot and up and coming star (he is also the sweetest person ever...), loves Doctor Who, Incubus and tattoos. Is also currently madly and deeply in love with a man that contains everything she ever wanted...but is also the biggest jerk-off. A match made in absolute...whatever.



TV: Doctor Who*, Chowder, Attack of the Show*, Stargate Atlantis, Gossip Girl, Jon and Kate Plus 8,The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, Family Guy Reno 911, Viva La Bam, Bam's Unholy Union, The Venture Brothers, Squidbillies,Queer as Folk, Sex and the City, Entourage, etc...

Movies: TRANSFORMERS****, Pirates of the Caribbean (I, II, & III), Sex and the City: The Movie*, 300, Disturbia**, Blades of Glory*, Donnie Darko*, The Beastmaster*, Reservoir Dogs, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill: Vol. 1 & 2*, Napolean Dynamite, Dazed and Confused*, Fight Club*, Requiem for a Dream, Ichi the Killer*, Oldboy*, Blue Spring*, American Psycho*, Velvet Goldmine*, The Godfather (all)**, Silent Hill, Scarface*, Carlito's Way, etc...


Music:



WESTERN: Bands: The Sounds, Metro Station, INCUBUS, Chester French, Taking Back Sunday, H.I.M, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, AFI, Avenged Sevenfold, The White Stripes, Under the Influence of Giants, Paramore, MUSE, Hinder, Placebo, My Chemical Romance, Motion City Soundtrack, Fleetwood Mac, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is, Stefy

ARTISTS: Mya, Justin Timberlake, Adele, John Legend, John Mayer, Pitbull, Kanye West, Keyshia Cole, Ciara...

ASIAN: Bands: Buck-Tick, Luna Sea, Dir en grey, La'cryma Christi, Gazette, Kagerou, Plastic Tree, FAKE?, G.Gorilla, Tourbillion, deadman, merii, J'Rocks...

GROUPS: 1tym, Shinhwa, Clazziquai, Loveholic...

ARTISTS: Se7en, Taebin, Wheesung, Lexy, Bi, J, J(female), Eru, Minwoo, Tim, K, Tei...

friends ♥

Codi, Cori, Koma*, Toki, Misato*, & Nikki

listings

Silver Colored Ash
Gravity // Inoran
Daisuke Andou's mine//Red Thread
JFuck>> Die
I am so obsessed with Die, are you?
PS: And there are others.
{RhythmEmotion}:
undecided:

L A S T   D A Y   o f   M A G I C

Date: Saturday, June 13, 2009
Title: All I Can Do is Try...
Tune: Try / Nelly Furtado

I was told that this meant nothing. Whatever we've done, whatever we will do, whatever I've done, whatever I will do, whatever I feel, whatever I have felt it all means nothing.

You know, after I finished crying my eyes out (story of my life), I prayed. I prayed and I prayed and I cried even more, until I realized that this was, honestly, my taste of first love. Granted that it was unrequited and highly unexpected at first, (and not at all intentional), it was nice at the beginning.

But of course, all good things must come to an end.

Our conversation was pretty gruesome. Brutally honest but quite gruesome. It was so bad that I could feel myself trying to hollow over as he kept tearing every bit of emotion out of me one by one. Subsequently, when I was trying to shut myself down, just to keep from saying any thing more, he caught on and pulled me away from being any form of comatose.

It all ended with a decision that will be officially made by moi over our summer break. Granted that I have somehow patched myself up to working order, I'm still wondering if we should even be friends anymore. He said that everyone eventually leaves and that this is a grueling cycle for him--someone's there by his side, they fall for him, he says it means nothing, they back away, find happiness elsewhere, and then he realizes his mistake. I told him that he should probably break that awful cycle but at the end of the convo, he decided that he wasn't going to change. So why be around someone that won't even seek to help themselves? Especially if it's a flaw that hurts them as well...

I asked him if he'd let me go like he did with everyone else. He said that he can't force me to stay but he doesn't see a reason for me to leave him, because I do mean something to him. Then, he inquired if I felt important to him. I replied with a, "Some days."

All I can do is try for myself now because there's no one else. I've set up the route for us to continue our friendship but I realized that it's far too soon and I'm far too hurt to do anything more.

And really...the only thing that made me feel amazingly better was the new episode of The Marvelous Misadventures of Flap Jack that was premiered on Thursday. I was pretty effing bewildered, scared, and damn amused. That show gets creepier and funnier each time I watch it.

Ugh, I'm going to go read now. ._.;

Date: Thursday, June 04, 2009
Title: We Are Each Our Own Devil...
Tune: Oscar Wilde / Company of Thieves

To show how extremely stressed and busy I've been lately, here's what has occurred in the past couple of days:

- I had to complete 5 turn-arounds and 5 expression sheets. Simple right? Wrong. My professor kept nit-picking at stuff that was based upon personal preference. Finally, I manned up and went to a teacher that I respected and he commended me on stepping up my game, and then proceeded to HELP me correct what was wrong. Funny thing is, the other professor DID NOT point out the serious issues--like the balance of weight and the basic formula of a turn-around. Pissed me off.

- Returned from Louisiana, found out guy that I am in love with told my step-mom that he loves me. Both my step-mom and dad said that I should not be too concerned with someone like him and that he doesn't love anyone but himself. True, true. I've also come to realize that real men aren't afraid to fall in love and they're definitely not afraid to say it aloud. It takes real strength and real courage to say it to the person who loves you with all of their heart. Granted that I am a coward, I show my love for him so much throughout the day, that it's not even close to amusing. Blah, blah, I get the whole, Don't touch me spiel, yet he's patting me, hitting me, and grabbing my arm. I don't like it. I am not fond of it, and I pretty much yell at him for it.

I just hate fighting back the love that I have for someone. I've been doing it for so long and holding back everything that it's almost maddening. I am not the dating type--I am the settling down type. I look for long-term and therefore seek to work everything out. We've been working things out yes, but there's always that whole, "I don't have to be here" pendulum hanging low over both of our heads.

- Finally, I was stressing over a WALK CYCLE last night. So much so, I popped a blood vessel in my eye. Good grief, I would take pictures of it but it scares me so badly. The guy was standing in my room, watching television, while I stumbled upon my slight injury. I ran up to him and showed it to him and he just stared at me and went, "Yep. You need to relax."

Bleh. So I slept and he fell back asleep. When he woke, he just sat beside my bed on my exercise ball and watched television. The little things ease and offer me a sense of peace. Bah. ._.;

Now I must work! I have to complete Nine animations by next week. Two are to be completed in Maya (I'm not even done with the rig for it), five are for a PSA, and the other two are for my senior project class. Not only that, I STILL have to ink and paint twelve character designs.

I am taking a loooooong vacation after this quarter. A long, long one.

Date: Friday, April 24, 2009
Title: ...
Tune: It Can't Come Quickly Enough / Scissor Sisters


This is the hand that used to pat me when every thing went wrong.

The hand I'd take in mine while I'm fast asleep.

This is the hand that pulls away when all I want to do is talk.

This is also the hand that pushes me away and makes me doubt everything that was ever said before.

The hand that had a helping in placing me in the hospital.

This is the hand of the man that I have insulted and have marred, punched and have scarred, and still, we stand side by side.

This is the hand of the man that gave me a chance to set him free or stand by as close as possible...

....I've chosen the latter.

I was never looking for love when all of this started. I thought after he pretty much demoted me from "potential mate" to freaking "home girl", I pretty much assumed that this was going to be over and done with. I was lied to and completely and utterly hurt but when it all came in to light that I never asked for anything, I never wanted gifts, six hour phone conversations, or anything physical--all I wanted was him. When that came in to light and I was the only one there when he did not have any money or any food and I was using the last bit of my own resources to keep him fed, he realized a freaking lot. Because unlike his girl at the time, I cared. I stood my ground and I cared because I wanted him to be safe, fed, and happy.

However, for some reason, it's almost still the same. When I touch him, he literally flinches and pulls away. Now he doesn't want to be touched. Sometimes, I feel disgusting after he glares at me. Sometimes, I just want to walk off and cry.

Then, there are the times when I'm so anguished and tired of everything, that I do cry and he, with a tiny sigh, draws me in to his arms and pats my back. He'll utter what he can and what makes me feel better, then we'll laugh and pull away.

We argue--well, I bitch and he sits there with a glazed over look. However, when he has something to say, it hits me and either makes me fall apart or makes me realize how horrible I treat him.

Nevertheless...my good friend says that he cares. He always bats that question away with a frown or a light smirk whilst explaining whatever to me but I feel like I should know by now.

Next week, he's going to meet my family (the Cajun-Creole side) for the annual Crawfish Festival. I'm excited but also a little scared because my dad is crazy. Not only that but my brother's going to be there...so...yeah. :-/ That and we have to sleep in separate rooms. >< I sleep so peacefully whenever he's around but eh.

Alrighty then! I have work today. Library and then the store. Ugh, sometimes I question myself as to why I have two jobs AND go to school. Thank goodness for vacation time. <3 But that only means that I have to work ten times harder this weekend in order to complete everything. Ugh, shit...

Night. -.-

Date: Thursday, April 16, 2009
Title: It's Been Fooooreeeevvvvveeeer!
Tune: C'mon (On My Own) / Chester French

Yah, it's been forever. Forever and days in fact. My excuse? I am a senior, a stressed senior, I'm in love, I've been in the hospital (all because of said love), I have two jobs, rent sucks annnd...yeah...life's been just a-going for me. No time, no time.

So yeah...that's pretty much it. I'm hoping to post something else like...tonight maybe? Especially while I'm just sitting here and doing nothing. :-/ So yeah...give me a few hours...